This is such a tender tribute to your aunt. Being locked inside her body after her stroke must have been devastating but what wonderful books to read to her and perhaps bring a sense of freedom to those difficult days.
Oh, thank you, Lauren. She hated being made a fuss of and I don't know what she'd make of me writing about her (actually, I can picture her rolling her eyes!), but she's been one of the most significant people in my life, so…
Oh Wendy, what a story. My Mum and Dad are 80 and have been decades younger than their biological selves all their lives; creative, active, hilarious and energetic, but I've had to concede we're moving into a time of life when they are not so robust. See, I can't even actually type the words I mean! I'm continually finding awkwardly different ways to put it.
I hope that when the time comes I can show as much dedication and love as you did for Auntie Jean. You've made me think about my own future plans too, which is so very important.
Thanks, Sarah. It is very tough realising that your parents are getting older, less "robust" or whatever the most tactful way to phrase it is.
My mum and dad made it into their nineties, but after what happened with Aunty Jean, I asked them to sort out Power of Attorney and I did need it for both of them at various points before they died. It needn't be morbid if you think of it just a bit of admin to file away. It might never see the light of day, but if it is needed, it's there and saves acres of time and hassle.
Thanks Wendy. They've got everything in that regard sewn up tight, and they update us all whenever they tweak anything. It's my own that needs some attention :)
Huge respect, Wendy. For being there always for everyone. For somehow weathering the travesties imposed by covid on those in need and those who care. For love.
An excellent prose piece on the power of connection.
I just happened to be on my phone when your email arrived... Such a moving account, Wendy. My husband and I sorted out our Lasting Power of Attorney last year. We already had wills in place, which we have updated recently, and after watching a Martin Lewis show, we decided to get things moving on the LPA. After my brother died intestate, it caused so many problems. Two and a half years on, his estate is about to be concluded. We didn't want to leave our children with horrible admin tasks if we should become unable to manage our affairs, or after we die. Your aunt sounds wonderful, Wendy.
This was a beautiful tribute to your aunt, Wendy. The aftermath of the stroke and then the lockdown on top must have been incredibly difficult for both her and you, amazing of you to do all that for her
Thanks, Sue. I hope it nudges people to look into Power of Attorney. And to read aloud, even if you can't do much else for someone. There are different ways to connect. Jean had so much time to be lost in her own thoughts in those final two years. I hope she was able to dwell on happier memories from her life.
Powerful and poignant on many levels, but also a warning about the importance of power of attorney. We think we have time, as we may not for this and a multitude of other things. Also deeply affecting: Jean's loss of a child and your loss of Otto made you not just aunt and niece but sisters in heartbreak.
Sisters in heartbreak. So beautifully put, Rona, thank you, and it’s true, it was a real point of connection between us and actually helped break down some of the other family barriers, ironically. And yes, power of attorney is so important, however tempting it might be to put it off.
Ooh dear Wendy this is heart breaking. You did an admirable job as a loving niece. Such a strong, independent woman laid vulnerable by a stroke. So much loss - a baby and years of a broken relationship with your mum. I am so glad they had the opportunity to rekindle their sibling relationship.
Wendy, you're the very embodiment of "give people more than they expect," both as an emergency contact, and here as a writer. It's so beautiful how you cared for your aunt, and even before that, helping to reconcile her and your mom. The image of them dancing to Lady Gaga together is gorgeous.
The reading to her, though, and all of the assistance and care you gave her... that's just pure love in the extreme. I feel heartened, just reading about it. How lucky Jean was to have you for a niece.
Such a beautiful comment, Rob, thank you. We just never know what’s around the corner. What else can you do than show up if someone you love is in crisis? I think it helped that I’d been trustee of an arts charity that worked in care homes, so knew there was usually a way to unlock communication, whatever the issues.
I wished I could have done more. And I really wished I’d paid attention to sorting out POA back in 2011, when Jean had suggested it.
I learned so much from her and understood her better as we got older. Yes, I was so relieved when she and mum reconciled. I think of them dancing whenever I hear Lady Gaga!
A thought-provoking read. My mother didn’t survive her stroke, aged 77. Now I have an 83 year old neighbour who has regained some mobility and can understand but cannot speak. Although she is very well cared for by family and friends, I see her anger and distress and wonder if perhaps it was best for my mother to go when she did.
I certainly endorse the need for power of attorney. I’ve put mine in place.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Alison. It must have been a shock to lose your mum that way, my sympathies. But the ongoing situation for your neighbour is so tough, as it was for my aunt. I think Jean was furious with herself for NOT "popping off" as she'd expected.
Glad to hear you've sorted out your own POA. I think many people put it off because they assume it's a depressing task, but it's relatively simple. It might never be needed, but it's reassuring to know it's sorted.
This was very beautiful. We all hope to just “pop off” but it often doesn’t go that way. The two books you read to your aunt are among my favorites (I’m looking forward to Is a River Alive? this summer.) if I’m not lucky enough to make a quick departure, I hope someone will read me the last two books on my night stand.
What a thoughtful comment, Katie, thank you. I'm looking forward to reading Robert Macfarlane's latest, too. It was lucky to find that package at my auntie's flat and know those were her next TBRs. Otherwise I was reading bits of poetry, or items from The Week magazine, but trying to find remotely cheerful news was very tricky.
My family learned the hard way the importance of wills and powers of attorney. My mom was sole carer for my disabled brother, but she always thought she was invincible and nothing would ever happen to her. So, when early-set dementia arrived when she was 65, it was a nightmare for my brother and I to wrestle everything off her. We also have a massive inheritance tax coming our way once she passes as she never wrote a will and invested everything from our family into a guesthouse in Brazil.
Your aunt's motto, "give people more than they expect”, made me think of your own attentiveness and caring for her, which I'm sure she loved but felt it was more than she expected. I'm glad you were able to be there for her, even if by video, in her final year.
Woah, that is a very tough situation for you, Ollie and sorry to hear. So many problems arise when these things aren’t in place.
It’s true what you say about my aunt. I could sense she felt awful about her situation and was concerned for me as well as herself. She’d always been so careful with money and I’m sure was horrified that she needed expensive nursing care. But you just can’t predict how life will turn out.
Your auntie’s planting of flowers based on the personalities of family members is so wonderful. I imagine you are caught up in memories each time they bloom. (And I am stealing this practice… so your auntie’s influence now stretches across the Atlantic Ocean and halfway across America.)
This is such a tender tribute to your aunt. Being locked inside her body after her stroke must have been devastating but what wonderful books to read to her and perhaps bring a sense of freedom to those difficult days.
Thank you, Andrea. Yes, it was devastating for her. I could sense her frustration, though even then, she tried to put a brave face on it.
Wow. This is very truthfully and beautifully written.
Reading aloud is such an amazing thing and I think it can be very healing.
Your aunt sounds like she was a very brilliant and interesting person! 💛
Thank you, Roo. Aunty Jean was pretty amazing. Quietly unassuming, but such a stoic and such a “do-er” before her stroke.
I’m a big fan of reading aloud to all generations in pretty much all circumstances!
Reading aloud is brilliant!
Oh Wendy. This is heartbreaking, but quietly beautiful – she sounds like a brilliant woman (as do you) xx
Oh, thank you, Lauren. She hated being made a fuss of and I don't know what she'd make of me writing about her (actually, I can picture her rolling her eyes!), but she's been one of the most significant people in my life, so…
Oh Wendy, what a story. My Mum and Dad are 80 and have been decades younger than their biological selves all their lives; creative, active, hilarious and energetic, but I've had to concede we're moving into a time of life when they are not so robust. See, I can't even actually type the words I mean! I'm continually finding awkwardly different ways to put it.
I hope that when the time comes I can show as much dedication and love as you did for Auntie Jean. You've made me think about my own future plans too, which is so very important.
Thanks, Sarah. It is very tough realising that your parents are getting older, less "robust" or whatever the most tactful way to phrase it is.
My mum and dad made it into their nineties, but after what happened with Aunty Jean, I asked them to sort out Power of Attorney and I did need it for both of them at various points before they died. It needn't be morbid if you think of it just a bit of admin to file away. It might never see the light of day, but if it is needed, it's there and saves acres of time and hassle.
Thanks Wendy. They've got everything in that regard sewn up tight, and they update us all whenever they tweak anything. It's my own that needs some attention :)
Oh, what wise parents. Yes, it is a shock when you realise that now you should get your own house in order!
Huge respect, Wendy. For being there always for everyone. For somehow weathering the travesties imposed by covid on those in need and those who care. For love.
An excellent prose piece on the power of connection.
Thank you, Cherry. Such a touching comment.
You are a very good (and busy) person. Your aunt was fortunate - you knew you could communicate, somehow.
I just happened to be on my phone when your email arrived... Such a moving account, Wendy. My husband and I sorted out our Lasting Power of Attorney last year. We already had wills in place, which we have updated recently, and after watching a Martin Lewis show, we decided to get things moving on the LPA. After my brother died intestate, it caused so many problems. Two and a half years on, his estate is about to be concluded. We didn't want to leave our children with horrible admin tasks if we should become unable to manage our affairs, or after we die. Your aunt sounds wonderful, Wendy.
Thanks, Maria. The admin can completely eat up your life. Much sympathy for what you’ve been through.
This was a beautiful tribute to your aunt, Wendy. The aftermath of the stroke and then the lockdown on top must have been incredibly difficult for both her and you, amazing of you to do all that for her
Thank you, Ruby. Everything felt so inadequate. I’m glad we found some ways to connect, but what an ordeal for her. It was the least I could do.
Powerfully written and oh so poignant, Wendy. How important to bring Jean to so many of us now though. Such bravery - from both of you,
Thanks, Sue. I hope it nudges people to look into Power of Attorney. And to read aloud, even if you can't do much else for someone. There are different ways to connect. Jean had so much time to be lost in her own thoughts in those final two years. I hope she was able to dwell on happier memories from her life.
Powerful and poignant on many levels, but also a warning about the importance of power of attorney. We think we have time, as we may not for this and a multitude of other things. Also deeply affecting: Jean's loss of a child and your loss of Otto made you not just aunt and niece but sisters in heartbreak.
Sisters in heartbreak. So beautifully put, Rona, thank you, and it’s true, it was a real point of connection between us and actually helped break down some of the other family barriers, ironically. And yes, power of attorney is so important, however tempting it might be to put it off.
Ooh dear Wendy this is heart breaking. You did an admirable job as a loving niece. Such a strong, independent woman laid vulnerable by a stroke. So much loss - a baby and years of a broken relationship with your mum. I am so glad they had the opportunity to rekindle their sibling relationship.
Thank you, Caroline. It’s lovely seeing her flowers bloom this summer and remembering Jean at her happiest, planting up the garden.
Wendy, you're the very embodiment of "give people more than they expect," both as an emergency contact, and here as a writer. It's so beautiful how you cared for your aunt, and even before that, helping to reconcile her and your mom. The image of them dancing to Lady Gaga together is gorgeous.
The reading to her, though, and all of the assistance and care you gave her... that's just pure love in the extreme. I feel heartened, just reading about it. How lucky Jean was to have you for a niece.
Such a beautiful comment, Rob, thank you. We just never know what’s around the corner. What else can you do than show up if someone you love is in crisis? I think it helped that I’d been trustee of an arts charity that worked in care homes, so knew there was usually a way to unlock communication, whatever the issues.
I wished I could have done more. And I really wished I’d paid attention to sorting out POA back in 2011, when Jean had suggested it.
I learned so much from her and understood her better as we got older. Yes, I was so relieved when she and mum reconciled. I think of them dancing whenever I hear Lady Gaga!
A thought-provoking read. My mother didn’t survive her stroke, aged 77. Now I have an 83 year old neighbour who has regained some mobility and can understand but cannot speak. Although she is very well cared for by family and friends, I see her anger and distress and wonder if perhaps it was best for my mother to go when she did.
I certainly endorse the need for power of attorney. I’ve put mine in place.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Alison. It must have been a shock to lose your mum that way, my sympathies. But the ongoing situation for your neighbour is so tough, as it was for my aunt. I think Jean was furious with herself for NOT "popping off" as she'd expected.
Glad to hear you've sorted out your own POA. I think many people put it off because they assume it's a depressing task, but it's relatively simple. It might never be needed, but it's reassuring to know it's sorted.
This is beautiful, Wendy. So tender. There are such deep stories all around us and you are giving them voice week after week ❤️
So touched by this appreciation, thank you, Claire.
This was very beautiful. We all hope to just “pop off” but it often doesn’t go that way. The two books you read to your aunt are among my favorites (I’m looking forward to Is a River Alive? this summer.) if I’m not lucky enough to make a quick departure, I hope someone will read me the last two books on my night stand.
What a thoughtful comment, Katie, thank you. I'm looking forward to reading Robert Macfarlane's latest, too. It was lucky to find that package at my auntie's flat and know those were her next TBRs. Otherwise I was reading bits of poetry, or items from The Week magazine, but trying to find remotely cheerful news was very tricky.
My family learned the hard way the importance of wills and powers of attorney. My mom was sole carer for my disabled brother, but she always thought she was invincible and nothing would ever happen to her. So, when early-set dementia arrived when she was 65, it was a nightmare for my brother and I to wrestle everything off her. We also have a massive inheritance tax coming our way once she passes as she never wrote a will and invested everything from our family into a guesthouse in Brazil.
Your aunt's motto, "give people more than they expect”, made me think of your own attentiveness and caring for her, which I'm sure she loved but felt it was more than she expected. I'm glad you were able to be there for her, even if by video, in her final year.
Woah, that is a very tough situation for you, Ollie and sorry to hear. So many problems arise when these things aren’t in place.
It’s true what you say about my aunt. I could sense she felt awful about her situation and was concerned for me as well as herself. She’d always been so careful with money and I’m sure was horrified that she needed expensive nursing care. But you just can’t predict how life will turn out.
Oh Wendy! Theres much heart in here.
Your auntie’s planting of flowers based on the personalities of family members is so wonderful. I imagine you are caught up in memories each time they bloom. (And I am stealing this practice… so your auntie’s influence now stretches across the Atlantic Ocean and halfway across America.)
Thank you Anne Marie. Her planting to remind her of family members was such a beautiful idea, and I'm really glad you will adopt it!