Issues with food in adolescence? Hang ups about being chubby? Goodness me! I had hangups enough to make jam with them! In all fairness to myself, I think I never was more than 10 pounds too big, but the struggle to lose them, the unconquerable compulsion to eat, especially sweet stuff... the constant "observations" of stupid aunts commenting that if I did not lose weight I was going to end up looking like a "madame" (as in the woman in charge of a brothel), that my hair was too long, too curly... and definitely, although my legs would never be like my mother's, they would certainly look better if I lose weight... So my early twenties saw me going to my GP and asking for slimming pills... some concoction that suppressed my appetite and kept me going for a wee... but hey! I was happy. Did they contain any degree of anphetamine? No matter. I would rather be hyperactive and slim than fat and depressed... Was I using food to replace an absence of love in every form? You bet! So I sympathise no end with you and all those teenagers -especially teenagers- who are using food as a substitute for love. Having said that, I deplore the idea of indulging just because "we all look different and that is fine". Of course we are. Of course it is fine, but there is another much more important issue than just looks, and it is HEALTH. Over feeding children is as criminal as starving them, but I digress. I rest my case, though
Thanks for sharing some of your own experiences here, Christina. Wow, harsh comments from your aunts, and to be told you’d look like a ‘Madame’ - unbelievable.
Absolutely yes, to what you say about health. And it’s hard to get the balance right (no pun intended) when there’s so much junk food out there.
Ahhh Wendy this struck a chord. I used to write diary entries a little bit like yours. My paternal grandmother would constantly tell me I was too large and so at 9 years old I started doing aerobics in my living room and watching my eating habits. I’ve not had a great relationship with food ever since - bingeing, purging, having no control, an all or nothing mentality. Still working on it to be honest!
Thanks for sharing your own experience, Ren. What a damaging message to hear from your grandmother at nine years old. It's such a pain being so in thrall to food, but being unable to actually enjoy it in a healthy way. I really sympathise. If you haven't read Fat Is A Feminist Issue, I'd recommend the new edition of it. Though I know there are no quick fixes.
I’ve not! Funnily enough I remember my late mum having a copy growing up and not realising what it was about. I shall have to get hold of the new edition. Thank you!
I could write an entire post in response to this (but will spare you). I'm glad you made peace with food and your body. My relationship with both has been up and down, though I'm largely happy these days. I once offered my then 78 year old nan a second biscuit. 'No! I don't want to get fat!' she replied - depressing that for some, it never goes away!
Thanks, Steven. Maybe you should write a piece of your own? It's interesting to hear the male perspective. I'm glad you've found equilibrium.
Yes, fear of food can stick around for life. I've known a lot of people like your nan! And there's sometimes that dynamic where one relative hardly eats a thing, but will insist on feeding everyone else far too much. A kind of vicarious offloading of their issues.
I’m always fascinated by other people’s struggles with weight, especially when I never imagined they would be someone who had these types of challenges. Self-perception is so brutal, we see all the ‘bad’ and struggle to views ourselves as others do. I’m getting there 🫣😊
Thanks, Fiona. You too, huh? I honestly think pretty much every woman has struggled at some point (or still is). I scarcely ever weigh myself these days, but know from how things fit (or don’t) when I’m putting on pounds and still feel a smidge of panic. Thank God the binge and starve years are behind me, though.
Thanks for sharing this Wendy. I think it's quite brave. In this day and age, it's a hard thing to talk about as so much of our lives, especially online, is tied to "how we look".
I was a teenager in the 90s, when thinness did a come back (Britpop, etc). Big muscle men were out, skinny boys were in. There was a pressure there to fit that mould (self-imposed) and that affected me. When I went to uni, I didn't really know how to cook, smoked a packet of cigarettes a day and ended up losing tons of weight. I was down to 10 stones at one point, which for a young man that's nearly 6 feet, is very little. It caused body dysmorphia and I really had to retrain myself around food and self-care, with help from friends, and then my family when I went back home during summer break.
The experience stayed with me for many years, and even today I will question myself on some attitudes around food, to check if it's coming from a place of "disorder".
Thank you as ever for your honesty and reflection. My mother was an advocate of the Scarsdale Diet for a fortnight if she felt she was putting on weight (early low carbing) and I remember her despairing the Eatwell Food Plate advice from the NHS, which promoted carbs as the main part of the diet and (until fairly recently) low fat yogurts etc even for children. Not having the budget for the steak and chicken of the Scarsdale, when I was dieting before my wedding I used Rosemary Conley - it worked in the short term, but I recall being bemused that on the diet you could eat meringues (no fat!).
Thanks for sharing some of your own experiences, Fiona. I lost count of the diet fads in the '70s, including Scarsdale, which I think was taking hold by the end of the decade.
My late mother-in-law was very keen on Rosemary Conley, but always so critical of herself, and that didn't seem to change whether her weight went up or down!
That's funny about meringues being allowed! No fat, but a shedload of sugar!
Oh my goodness, this post resonated so much. I dread to think how many wasted hours I have spent over the years worrying about food and being overweight, especially as a teenager. Your teenage diaries echo mine - I was always noting how much / how little I had eaten and how I needed to lose half a stone. I wish I had known Susie Orbach's book then and I am very glad you found peace with the issue. Reading the comments below, how sad it is that so many women had similar experiences. Such a brilliant post, thank you.
Thank you, Deborah, and thanks for sharing your own memories here. It’s really clear from the comments how common this story is. Those wasted hours – exactly! And it’s been interesting reading the updated edition of Fat Is A Feminine Issue, as it is still so pertinent.
I’ll be 40 this year and can’t remember not worrying about my body/weight. I was born with a bowel disease and had many surgeries as a baby/child, leading to a very scarred and bloated belly. I always felt different as a child and then as a teen I became obsessed with my weight and I’ve been yo-yoing ever since. I have a mother who’s quite vocal about weight and calories too, so I suppose that doesn’t help.
I know it always gets better when I’m happy with the life I’m living, but at times when things feel stuck (like now) I struggle just that bit more.
Loved reading this piece and all the comments. At least we’re not alone. X
Thanks for sharing your own experience, Malika. That was a tough start in life. And you’re right that it keeps evolving. I’ve gained weight this past year, probably from being more deskbound, writing, ironically, so old insecurities have started to resurface. Reading the updated edition of Fat Is A Feminist Issue has helped.
I really enjoyed reading this Wendy, and can relate in some ways. Hard to believe, in this day and age, just how obsessed with weight we were. My issues were definitely rooted in a resistance to grow up, and coincided with body changes. It's interesting what you say about self image. In regards to the opposite sex, bad relationships definitely have a detrimental effect.
Yes, totally weight obsessed, Sharon! And that resistance to growing up sounds familar. I felt very conflicted about it.
I was really pleased that when I worked at Just Seventeen in the 1980s that there was a "no diets" policy. Magazines had been full of them when I was a teenager and I knew how damaging the messaging was.
Thank you, Ingrid. I was very secretive about it at the time and part of the relief of reading Susie Orbach’s book was realising that compulsive eating was quite a common experience.
So many of us go through all of that angst, thanks for your honesty Wendy. And in my teens my two brothers called me Fatso and from there onwards I've always had a battle to stay slim, not thin, but slim. Oh yeah, get the right word please. And now older with a body that does what it wants, goes where it wants, and expands where it wants, well.... I had to re-discover my stomach muscles and they are still there, if anyone wants to know.
This is so brutally honest and sad Wendy - that the young Wendy wished catching cold because she would have lost her appetite. I’m so glad you discovered that book. I must take a look at it.
Thanks, Faith. I knew this one would rake up difficult feelings, but after writing about ballet two weeks ago it made sense to brave it. It’s sad that so many women have been through something similar.
This was a very illuminating read, thanks Wendy. It's incredible how much body image has impacted women across decades and transformed the pleasure of eating into something to avoid. A friend from my teenage years developed anorexia and bulimia and it was hard for us to understand at the time that her relationship with food had more to do with other stuff that was going on in her life.
The media has played a big role in recent decades in portraying the ideal woman as a certain body type -that changes constantly and it's impossible for most women to achieve anyway- but at least the young generation now is a lot more aware of the manipulation, more accepting of who they are and how they look and definitely a lot better at calling out bodyshaming when they see it.
Thanks, Cristina. I hope your friend got through it okay? Did you stay in touch? I remember a girl in my class being off school with anorexia when we were 13 and at the time I couldn’t fathom it at all. It took me years to see how her experience and my own starting a bit later on were in any way connected.
As you say, it’s so hard not to be influenced by societal supposed “ideals”. And then all the other factors to do with experiences in childhood or during adolescence, our vulnerabilities. I think you’re right that youngsters are aware of manipulation. My son (23) and his friends seem to be pretty grounded.
Yes, we were friends for many years but then lost touch when I started to live abroad and she moved to a different city for work in our ealy 20s. By the time I last saw her she'd had a very stable situation for a few years. It wasn't easy to get to that point but she can be very proud of herself.
Issues with food in adolescence? Hang ups about being chubby? Goodness me! I had hangups enough to make jam with them! In all fairness to myself, I think I never was more than 10 pounds too big, but the struggle to lose them, the unconquerable compulsion to eat, especially sweet stuff... the constant "observations" of stupid aunts commenting that if I did not lose weight I was going to end up looking like a "madame" (as in the woman in charge of a brothel), that my hair was too long, too curly... and definitely, although my legs would never be like my mother's, they would certainly look better if I lose weight... So my early twenties saw me going to my GP and asking for slimming pills... some concoction that suppressed my appetite and kept me going for a wee... but hey! I was happy. Did they contain any degree of anphetamine? No matter. I would rather be hyperactive and slim than fat and depressed... Was I using food to replace an absence of love in every form? You bet! So I sympathise no end with you and all those teenagers -especially teenagers- who are using food as a substitute for love. Having said that, I deplore the idea of indulging just because "we all look different and that is fine". Of course we are. Of course it is fine, but there is another much more important issue than just looks, and it is HEALTH. Over feeding children is as criminal as starving them, but I digress. I rest my case, though
Thanks for sharing some of your own experiences here, Christina. Wow, harsh comments from your aunts, and to be told you’d look like a ‘Madame’ - unbelievable.
Absolutely yes, to what you say about health. And it’s hard to get the balance right (no pun intended) when there’s so much junk food out there.
My story - written by Wendy. xxx
So interesting that you’ve had this in your past too, Cherry. Thanks for sharing this.
Ahhh Wendy this struck a chord. I used to write diary entries a little bit like yours. My paternal grandmother would constantly tell me I was too large and so at 9 years old I started doing aerobics in my living room and watching my eating habits. I’ve not had a great relationship with food ever since - bingeing, purging, having no control, an all or nothing mentality. Still working on it to be honest!
Thanks for sharing your own experience, Ren. What a damaging message to hear from your grandmother at nine years old. It's such a pain being so in thrall to food, but being unable to actually enjoy it in a healthy way. I really sympathise. If you haven't read Fat Is A Feminist Issue, I'd recommend the new edition of it. Though I know there are no quick fixes.
I’ve not! Funnily enough I remember my late mum having a copy growing up and not realising what it was about. I shall have to get hold of the new edition. Thank you!
I could write an entire post in response to this (but will spare you). I'm glad you made peace with food and your body. My relationship with both has been up and down, though I'm largely happy these days. I once offered my then 78 year old nan a second biscuit. 'No! I don't want to get fat!' she replied - depressing that for some, it never goes away!
Thanks, Steven. Maybe you should write a piece of your own? It's interesting to hear the male perspective. I'm glad you've found equilibrium.
Yes, fear of food can stick around for life. I've known a lot of people like your nan! And there's sometimes that dynamic where one relative hardly eats a thing, but will insist on feeding everyone else far too much. A kind of vicarious offloading of their issues.
I’m always fascinated by other people’s struggles with weight, especially when I never imagined they would be someone who had these types of challenges. Self-perception is so brutal, we see all the ‘bad’ and struggle to views ourselves as others do. I’m getting there 🫣😊
Thanks, Fiona. You too, huh? I honestly think pretty much every woman has struggled at some point (or still is). I scarcely ever weigh myself these days, but know from how things fit (or don’t) when I’m putting on pounds and still feel a smidge of panic. Thank God the binge and starve years are behind me, though.
So much to relate to 😭🫶🏻
Thank you for reading, Elaine. Glad it resonated.
Thanks for sharing this Wendy. I think it's quite brave. In this day and age, it's a hard thing to talk about as so much of our lives, especially online, is tied to "how we look".
I was a teenager in the 90s, when thinness did a come back (Britpop, etc). Big muscle men were out, skinny boys were in. There was a pressure there to fit that mould (self-imposed) and that affected me. When I went to uni, I didn't really know how to cook, smoked a packet of cigarettes a day and ended up losing tons of weight. I was down to 10 stones at one point, which for a young man that's nearly 6 feet, is very little. It caused body dysmorphia and I really had to retrain myself around food and self-care, with help from friends, and then my family when I went back home during summer break.
The experience stayed with me for many years, and even today I will question myself on some attitudes around food, to check if it's coming from a place of "disorder".
Thank you as ever for your honesty and reflection. My mother was an advocate of the Scarsdale Diet for a fortnight if she felt she was putting on weight (early low carbing) and I remember her despairing the Eatwell Food Plate advice from the NHS, which promoted carbs as the main part of the diet and (until fairly recently) low fat yogurts etc even for children. Not having the budget for the steak and chicken of the Scarsdale, when I was dieting before my wedding I used Rosemary Conley - it worked in the short term, but I recall being bemused that on the diet you could eat meringues (no fat!).
Thanks for sharing some of your own experiences, Fiona. I lost count of the diet fads in the '70s, including Scarsdale, which I think was taking hold by the end of the decade.
My late mother-in-law was very keen on Rosemary Conley, but always so critical of herself, and that didn't seem to change whether her weight went up or down!
That's funny about meringues being allowed! No fat, but a shedload of sugar!
Oh my goodness, this post resonated so much. I dread to think how many wasted hours I have spent over the years worrying about food and being overweight, especially as a teenager. Your teenage diaries echo mine - I was always noting how much / how little I had eaten and how I needed to lose half a stone. I wish I had known Susie Orbach's book then and I am very glad you found peace with the issue. Reading the comments below, how sad it is that so many women had similar experiences. Such a brilliant post, thank you.
Thank you, Deborah, and thanks for sharing your own memories here. It’s really clear from the comments how common this story is. Those wasted hours – exactly! And it’s been interesting reading the updated edition of Fat Is A Feminine Issue, as it is still so pertinent.
I have now ordered a new copy, as I think it would be a timely reread. Thank you x
I’ll be 40 this year and can’t remember not worrying about my body/weight. I was born with a bowel disease and had many surgeries as a baby/child, leading to a very scarred and bloated belly. I always felt different as a child and then as a teen I became obsessed with my weight and I’ve been yo-yoing ever since. I have a mother who’s quite vocal about weight and calories too, so I suppose that doesn’t help.
I know it always gets better when I’m happy with the life I’m living, but at times when things feel stuck (like now) I struggle just that bit more.
Loved reading this piece and all the comments. At least we’re not alone. X
Thanks for sharing your own experience, Malika. That was a tough start in life. And you’re right that it keeps evolving. I’ve gained weight this past year, probably from being more deskbound, writing, ironically, so old insecurities have started to resurface. Reading the updated edition of Fat Is A Feminist Issue has helped.
I really enjoyed reading this Wendy, and can relate in some ways. Hard to believe, in this day and age, just how obsessed with weight we were. My issues were definitely rooted in a resistance to grow up, and coincided with body changes. It's interesting what you say about self image. In regards to the opposite sex, bad relationships definitely have a detrimental effect.
Yes, totally weight obsessed, Sharon! And that resistance to growing up sounds familar. I felt very conflicted about it.
I was really pleased that when I worked at Just Seventeen in the 1980s that there was a "no diets" policy. Magazines had been full of them when I was a teenager and I knew how damaging the messaging was.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Wendy! It takes courage to put our inner-most thoughts out there, but in the end it helps others not feel so alone.
Thank you, Ingrid. I was very secretive about it at the time and part of the relief of reading Susie Orbach’s book was realising that compulsive eating was quite a common experience.
So many of us go through all of that angst, thanks for your honesty Wendy. And in my teens my two brothers called me Fatso and from there onwards I've always had a battle to stay slim, not thin, but slim. Oh yeah, get the right word please. And now older with a body that does what it wants, goes where it wants, and expands where it wants, well.... I had to re-discover my stomach muscles and they are still there, if anyone wants to know.
Wendy, you're amazing!
Thanks so much, Rosalind.
Ugh. Comments like those your brothers made are very hard to forget. I was called ugly, which really stung and added to the sense of shame.
This is so brutally honest and sad Wendy - that the young Wendy wished catching cold because she would have lost her appetite. I’m so glad you discovered that book. I must take a look at it.
Thanks, Faith. I knew this one would rake up difficult feelings, but after writing about ballet two weeks ago it made sense to brave it. It’s sad that so many women have been through something similar.
Awww great writing .
Thank you, Lib!
This was a very illuminating read, thanks Wendy. It's incredible how much body image has impacted women across decades and transformed the pleasure of eating into something to avoid. A friend from my teenage years developed anorexia and bulimia and it was hard for us to understand at the time that her relationship with food had more to do with other stuff that was going on in her life.
The media has played a big role in recent decades in portraying the ideal woman as a certain body type -that changes constantly and it's impossible for most women to achieve anyway- but at least the young generation now is a lot more aware of the manipulation, more accepting of who they are and how they look and definitely a lot better at calling out bodyshaming when they see it.
Thanks, Cristina. I hope your friend got through it okay? Did you stay in touch? I remember a girl in my class being off school with anorexia when we were 13 and at the time I couldn’t fathom it at all. It took me years to see how her experience and my own starting a bit later on were in any way connected.
As you say, it’s so hard not to be influenced by societal supposed “ideals”. And then all the other factors to do with experiences in childhood or during adolescence, our vulnerabilities. I think you’re right that youngsters are aware of manipulation. My son (23) and his friends seem to be pretty grounded.
Well done to your son!
Yes, we were friends for many years but then lost touch when I started to live abroad and she moved to a different city for work in our ealy 20s. By the time I last saw her she'd had a very stable situation for a few years. It wasn't easy to get to that point but she can be very proud of herself.