”Hey, Google: Cats.“

How two-year olds talk to voice assistants, and other observations on Gen Alpha

This week, I’m chipping in with childcare to help out my daughter. She committed to a job, then found out that the childminder is on holiday. Her husband is a teacher, and it’s term-time, so… Well, of course I volunteered.

How do two-year olds work, again? I should know this, having raised four children. But it takes a while for my muscle memory to kick in.

First step, always: bring out the Duplo and the Lego.

Apparently, if you were to distribute Lego bricks evenly around the world, every person would own 86 bricks. Only 86?! The picture above shows a tiny portion of ours and dates from 2012, when we had an aged cat that lost its marbles and mistook a box of Lego for a litter tray.

It took two dunkings of the bricks in disinfectant and dryings in sunlight to get rid of the pong.

At that time, my son was a Lego addict. Every birthday and Christmas, Lego was top of his list. If it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become a genius, then by rights he should be the Mozart of Lego.

But, like so many children of his era, he moved on to Minecraft, that pesky time-sucking virtual block-building game that gobbled up entire months of his life.

The Lego and Duplo were relegated to the garage until the grandchildren came along. Now they are once again the most played-with toys in the house.

Last weekend, I let the two youngest loose on a box of Lego minifigures. They spent the next 30 minutes totally absorbed, switching different heads and hairstyles to different bodies.

So far, so typical of a Boomer Nana. But the landscape of the modern toddler is changing. I checked what “heading” my grandchildren come under¹. They are the Alpha generation (born 2013 to 2025), for whom gadgets and AI are part of their lives from the off.

For a start, they’re already in league with virtual voice assistants.

“Hey Google…”

I was paranoid when Alexa first came on the scene ten years ago. Who would want a voice assistant earwigging their every conversation?

Turns out, lots of people. We now have the Google equivalent in our kitchen. I didn’t ask for it, but someone okayed it, because it turned up, anyway, on top of the bread bin.

The two-year old whispered to it, cryptically, the other day: “Hey Google: Cats.”

What was it she expected to come out of the speaker? (I’m guessing it definitely wasn’t anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber.)

Google didn’t hear her, so I didn’t find out what its answer to “Cats” was.²

Mainly, the two- and three-year olds request nursery songs they first learned at Baby Club (on TV, or in real life).

“Hey, Google, play Sleeping Bunnies.”

“Hey, Google, play Zoom Zoom Zoom.”

“Hey, Google, play Zoom Zoom Zoom.”

“Hey, Google, play Zoom Zoom Zoom.”

Gah, not AGAIN! Give it a rest!

The seven-year old’s most popular request for the past two years has been I Wanna Dance With Somebody, by Whitney Houston. That’s too much Whitney.

My grandson went through a toddler phase of thinking US singer Kenny Loggins looked like his dad (having once seen a photo of him sporting a beard at the same time as his dad had a beard). He requested his songs so often on the Alexa at home that his dad was recognised as one of the top Kenny Loggins fans on Spotify in 2022, based on number of downloads.

Latest alarming development: yesterday, my two-year old granddaughter learned to sabotage her mum’s grown-up kitchen disco music choices by interrupting with, “Hey Google: Stop.”

“The Owl”: Duolingo ABC

I have a Duolingo habit: an unbroken streak, ever since the UK voted in 2016 to leave the European Union. I wanted to do something pro-European and started learning Spanish, followed by French revision (the one language I learned at school) and Italian. Lately, a smattering of Latin, which is bound to come in handy some time, surely…

Or maybe not.

What’s surprised me is that the grandchildren are also familiar with “The Owl”, as they call it. They use the Duolingo ABC app on their parents’ phones to learn the alphabet and basic phonics. Theoretically, they’re supervised, although I have noticed they can use it for several minutes at a time without the need for intervention.

The Owl is conquering the world!

Television is still a draw

Yesterday, I watched my first ever episode of Yakka Dee on CBeebies (my granddaughter’s choice).

The programme consisted of one word: PEAS, over a very basic animation of children being ecstatic when faced with a tower of peas on a plate, interspersed with footage of real children, delighted by peas. There was also a short video about how peas grow.

I tried to decipher what the elevator pitch for the show might have been. Animated series about vegetables, to encourage children to eat their greens? Like Big Cook, Little Cook, but simpler?

I was curious enough to look it up afterwards.

Yakka Dee started in the UK in 2017 and aims to teach pre-school children to talk, by focusing on one word at a time. It’s not necessarily devoted to green vegetables.

Next up was In the Night Garden. It’s been going since 2007, so I am familiar with it. Out of all the gazillion episodes she could have chosen, my granddaughter picked the same one I watched at her house a year ago. Too, too familiar.

If you are a Night Garden afficionado, you might know the one: the Tombliboos can’t find the way out of their tree house. Utterly clueless. How long have they lived there, exactly?

Once they finally emerge, Macapaca washes their faces with a sponge and soap. (And doesn’t rinse it off. Ugh!)

That’s it. The entire plot.

I mean, yes, it’s charming, but the pace of In the Night Garden is glacial. It’s meant to help toddlers wind down for bedtime. Works on me, whatever the time of day.

Both of these programmes make Sesame Street, which my daughters binged as toddlers in the late 1980s, look like PhD-level stuff.

For my own sanity, I’ve introduced the two oldest grandchildren to one of my own childhood favourites: 1960s TV puppet-animation classic, Thunderbirds, created by Gerry and Sylvia Anderson.

In the 1990s, when it was re-shown on British television, and all the toys were reissued, my daughters became firm fans. It later became my son’s favourite show, too. And now, my three-year old grandson sits in front of the TV with the toys, counting down to blast-off and zooming each of the vehicles into the sky in sync with the programme.³

I take it as my Boomer-Nana duty to offset the assault of AI by remembering the old ways: Lego, picture books, country walks, playing out, TV puppets. Long may they reign.

My Old Ass

Switching back to adult mode, has anyone seen My Old Ass? Not literally. I mean the 2024 film, written and directed by Megan Park, starring Aubrey Plaza (available on Amazon Prime). I loved it. The premise (which is clear from the outset, so this is not a spoiler) is: 39-year old self gives life advice to 18-year old self.

It’s a heartwarming coming of age movie, set against a stunning Canadian landscape, with a terrific cast.

Kirsty Young’s radio programme on BBC Radio 4, Young Again, explores similar territory. I particularly enjoyed the recent episode with Gloria Steinem.

Dipping back into my diaries for some of my Substack pieces, I’ve learned not to be too critical of my younger self. I’m over the cringe factor. Where would I be without my past?

© Wendy Varley 2024

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What do you think of the impact of gadgets and AI on today’s children? Any thoughts on children’s telly – if you ever watch it? Do you use virtual voice assistants, and if so, what’s your tone with them?! (I’ve noticed some adults sound quite tetchy speaking to them. Not me, obviously.)

I really appreciate your feedback, so please do comment below if you’re able.

Thanks to everyone who liked, shared and or/commented on my piece last week about David Bowie.

Bizarre coincidence! At choir practice on Monday, I discovered that three women in my row had been at the same David Bowie concert as me at Milton Keynes Bowl in July 1983. (We live nowhere near Milton Keynes and none of us lived near there in ’83, either. It was a pilgrimage for us all!) Two mentioned it because they subscribe to my Substack and had read my piece about Bowie. The third now wants to read it. I love it when Substack merges with real life!

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Till next time!

1. Silent Generation (1925–1945); Baby Boomers (1946–1964); Gen X (1965-1979); Millennials (1980–1994); Gen Z (1995–2012); Gen Alpha (2013-2025)

2. I’ve just asked, “Hey Google, Cats,” myself, to check, and Google confessed, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” Not just me, then.

3. Thunderbirds is available in the UK on ITVX.