I’m glad I’m not the only one making a list, Lib! Thank you for sharing yours. I know the beautiful Allegri and some of the others. I’ll have a listen to those I’m not familiar with.
I'm so sorry to hear about Otto, Wendy. And thinking of you and yours this week.
David and I have agreed that neither of us want a funeral - if I'd died in my 30s when I had a big job and lots of friends/colleagues it might have been a nice bash but these days not so much. But I always said I'd like to be carried in to My Sweet Lord by George Harrison and for Promised Land by Joe Smooth to be played as my coffin disappeared. Both tracks always make me feel vaguely tearful, most likely as they're now more reminders of my mortality. My twin sister chose that Sheeran horror for my mum's funeral. We had Atomic by Blondie as the outro music as she used to make us laugh dancing to it while hoovering and making us promise we'd play it at her funeral. x
Thank you, Steven, and thanks for sharing your own thoughts.
I was reading that choosing NOT to have a funeral is becoming increasingly popular. I can understand why.
My Sweet Lord – love that. I don’t know Promised Land, will have a listen. Atomic by Blondie for your mum’s exit must have been a hoot. I find the Sheeran pretty cloying – apparently he wrote it when his grandmother died.
Thanks for sharing possibly difficult memories. It’s odd thinking about funeral music when I know I’m the one person who definitely isn’t going to hear it, but here goes.
I’d have Vaughan Williams too, the greatest British composer (even if you include Handel) but it would have to be the Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis. If I’m wrong and some part of my consciousness does continue after death, maybe I’ll finally get to understand this incredible piece of music.
And then something very different. I’d want a female voice, and I thought immediately of Sinead O’Connor—either Nothing Compares 2U or Troy, and I thought of Kate Bush and Running Up That Hill (well, I’ve walked up plenty in my time, and at least run down some of them)… but I think in the end I’m going with Florence and the Machine and Cosmic Love, which has been my ringtone for years.
And finally, there’s no artist whose music has meant more to me for longer than Bruce Springsteen, who also played the greatest concert I’ve ever been to. But which song? Born to Run? Thunder Road? Human Touch? All great possibilities, but in the end it would have to be Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) because Clarence Clemons’ sax playing on it is the most joyous thing I know in music, and I hope everyone would take away a bit of that.
Thank you for this. That episode of Soul Music was a moving one - but for you, it must have been... well I can only try to imagine. My mum chose her own music - including again The Divine Comedy but this time Life On Earth. It includes the lines:
'Build your coffin of balsa wood
Spend all that you earn
When you go you are gone for good
Never to return'
She had quite a dark sense of humour, my brilliant mother. But her instruction to basically get on with living this one 'life on earth' resonated then and now.
Thank you, Jo. I found it fascinating to know more about The Lark Ascending through that programme: its origins, the musicians who’ve played it (what an achievement!), and how deeply it affects people.
So glad to know there’s more than one The Divine Comedy song to choose. Wonderful, and yes a bit dark! I hadn’t thought of that one!
As always Wendy, you write about things that people often don't want to think or talk about. When my sister passed away suddenly, we were obviously not ready to think about these things. She was a great Chelsea football fan and we wanted ' Blue is the colour' their club anthem many years ago. It didn't happen in the end, and I have always wished we had stuck to our guns and played it.
Sorry you missed out on the music you really wanted for your sister. When it happens suddenly there’s so little time to think. But she would not have minded, I’m sure. What did you choose instead?
My husband died 14 years ago and he hadn’t even thought about what music he would want for his funeral so I was left to choose. I went through his iPod and came up with:
Entry: For You by Bruce Springsteen
Middle: Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons
Exit (when the coffin went into the fire): In Trutina (John’s favourite aria from Carmina Burana)
End: Hey That’s No Way To Say Goodbye by Leonard Cohen.
My list includes a couple of modern Christian songs and I want Take Me Home Country Roads as my exit from the church song, and “Going Home” by Mark Knopfler at the crematorium.
My Stepmother now has that difficult job as my Dad died yesterday 💔
Oh, I’m very sorry to read that your dad has died, Suze. My condolences.
Your choices for your late husband sound like he would have approved. I love some of those myself (particularly Leonard Cohen, Take Me Home Country Roads and Going Home).
Thank you Wendy. I am still in shock I think, and a bit of denial. It’s my stepmom I feel for - I know what she will be going through. The circumstances of John’s death and My Dad’s are so similar, it’s freaking me out.
My family asked me how I’d chosen the music for John’s funeral and I had to say I didn’t know, I just did it.
Mine are probably all a bit on the nose, but; Who knows where the time goes by Fairport Convention, Bird on the wire by Leonard Cohen, Don't let the sun go down on your grievances by Daniel Johnston, and then maybe Linus and Lucy by the Vince Guaraldi trio. I hope people feel compelled to dance or shuffle their feet a little with the Vince Guaraldi one, so I'll have that playing as people leave.
At my dad's funeral we had mostly reggae and ska and I loved that some people were subtly skanking as they followed the coffin out.
Thanks, Sarah. What a great list! I don’t know the Vince Guaraldi. I’ll make myself a playlist of choices people are mentioning that I’m not familiar with. Wonderful that you had reggae and ska at your dad’s so you could dance your way out. I love that.
Yes, listening to The Divine Comedy again while writing this reminded me how good they are. (Well, Neil Hannon; it’s his band.) Hadn’t realised they’ve been going so long - since 1989.
Thank you for reading and sharing your choices, HFTE. I’d forgotten about the Ramones version of What A Wonderful World. That’s great! I love the theme from American Beauty. Hadn’t heard the Bob Newhart. Interesting to have a spoken word choice, but why not?!
Great topic, Wendy, and so many fabulous choices by other readers. Vaughan Williams is definitely a wonderful option. As for other English composers, I'd also consider:
Handel: Mai Ombra fu (Xerzes)
Britten: Now the Great Bear and Pleiades, tenor solo from Peter Grimes
Finzi: Comes away death (from Let Us Garlands bring) or, Fear no more the heat o' the sun
Elgar: The opening (or close) of his Symphony No. 1.
I helped choose the music for both my parents' funerals. We chose Fields of Gold sung by Eva Cassidy for my father's. I still can't listen to it. Which is perhaps one of the dangers of choosing music you like for the funeral of a loved one.
In the end. I'd probably go for the Prelude to Parsifal for my own funeral. It's not only wonderful music, but also lasts long enough to prevent any long speeches being made about me :)
Thank you for reading and sharing your own thoughts on this, Jeffrey. I know some of these pieces but checking out the others. Prelude to Parsival is very moving, and yes, 12 minutes would cut down on the time for eulogies! The Handel piece is gorgeous. I'd forgotten all about that, but it is perfect.
Eva Cassidy's Fields of Gold is wonderful. We sing that song in choir, sometimes at weddings, sometimes at funerals, sometimes just because. Always emotional.
How serendipitous that I came across this as I've been doing some life planning, including writing down wishes for my own funeral. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't intend to leave anytime soon... I'm youngish (early 50's), but having lost a younger brother when he was 21, and two dads, I know that death comes when it will. One of the songs at my brother's funeral was "On Eagles Wings." Anyway, now you've got me thinking - thank you!
Thanks so much for reading and sharing your own thoughts. I’m sorry you’ve experienced those losses in your life. I wasn’t familiar with On Eagle’s Wings, but looking up just now, I can see why it was appropriate.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m so sorry about Otto too. Otto was my father’s name. A magnificent one!
We just had my grandma’s funeral where I gave her eulogy, so all decisions funeral are top of my mind. Funerals for us are usually in a church. The music is Ave Maria, Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art.
Thanks so much Ingrid. Good to know Otto was your father's name!
I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. Thanks for sharing those lovely music choices. I know the first two, of course. You're the second person to mention How Great Thou Art, and that's new to me. I can see why it's fitting.
Thank you, Wendy. I love the way you use music in this to make such warm and loving connections between life and death. I’ve just clicked on your link to V Williams’s Lark Ascending. Heartachingly beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss.
"I wish we could all be young at the same time." That's one I'll carry with me for a long time. Sorry, again, to hear about your mother-in-law, Wendy. Being the partner to someone losing their parent must be so hard in its own way. This is such a lovely reflection.
One of my Aussie uncles (a guitar teacher) had AC/DC at his funeral, which was pretty wonderful. The earlier, Bon Scott stuff.
I just asked Emma, and she said that, even though she's no longer religious, she'd probably pick "How Great Thou Art," just for the majesty of it. I told her I'd go for "Everything In It's Right Place," by Radiohead. So now that's settled, at least. Though Max Richter's "On The Nature of Daylight" is also hard to top: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_YHE4Sx-08. I listened to that over and over after my mom died.
Always love your writing, and how much I think of these posts in the days that follow.
Thank you, Rob. I’m so lucky that I’ve had such a good relationship with both of Ian’s parents – and still do with his dad – and that they’ve been such a support to us, our children and grandchildren. It was really special having our grandchildren with us at the funeral.
AC/DC is a fun choice. Fond memories of seeing them during the Bon Scott era at Sheffield City Hall when I was a teen.
Yours and Emma’s choices are very atmospheric. I’m just listening to On The Nature of Daylight, and looking up its history. Apparently written in response to the Iraq war in 2003. Luminosity out of darkness. I can see why you listened to it after your mum died.
My husband has already decided he wants the alien opera music from the film The Fifth Element, and Leave A Light On by Santana at his funeral.
I have so many choral pieces I've sung, both at concerts and actual funerals, that it's difficult to choose. Last year, the RNLI released some free to download choral music for their anniversary, and one of those was a setting of Tennyson's poem Crossing the Bar, which I could never sing without welling up. So probably that, and Eric Whitacre's Sleep, and Fauré's In Paradisum.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Fiona. I’m just listening to the Santana and The Fifth Element alien opera, as I couldn’t remember either of those. Both really atmospheric.
I love the poem of Crossing the Bar; we read that at my dad’s funeral. I haven’t heard the musical setting, though – I’ll look that up next. Eric Whitacre’s Sleep is beautiful (aren’t Voces8 perfect!) and so is Fauré’s In Paradisum (we’ve sung it in choir). I can understand why you’d want those.
This made me look for my list !
Misers mei. Allegri
Make me an instrument of thy peace - sinead O’Connor
2. Nick cave - into my arms
3. Nick cave -Weeping song
4. Nick cave - Sweetheart come
5. I’m leaving the table - Leonard Cohen✅
Hope all goes well xx
I’m glad I’m not the only one making a list, Lib! Thank you for sharing yours. I know the beautiful Allegri and some of the others. I’ll have a listen to those I’m not familiar with.
great choices
Thanks, Sarah.
I was deeply moved by your choice of music for Otto's funeral, Wendy. I can't think of a more perfect piece.
Thank you, Jules. It’s such an amazing piece of music. Vaughan Williams was a genius.
I'm so sorry to hear about Otto, Wendy. And thinking of you and yours this week.
David and I have agreed that neither of us want a funeral - if I'd died in my 30s when I had a big job and lots of friends/colleagues it might have been a nice bash but these days not so much. But I always said I'd like to be carried in to My Sweet Lord by George Harrison and for Promised Land by Joe Smooth to be played as my coffin disappeared. Both tracks always make me feel vaguely tearful, most likely as they're now more reminders of my mortality. My twin sister chose that Sheeran horror for my mum's funeral. We had Atomic by Blondie as the outro music as she used to make us laugh dancing to it while hoovering and making us promise we'd play it at her funeral. x
Thank you, Steven, and thanks for sharing your own thoughts.
I was reading that choosing NOT to have a funeral is becoming increasingly popular. I can understand why.
My Sweet Lord – love that. I don’t know Promised Land, will have a listen. Atomic by Blondie for your mum’s exit must have been a hoot. I find the Sheeran pretty cloying – apparently he wrote it when his grandmother died.
Thanks for sharing possibly difficult memories. It’s odd thinking about funeral music when I know I’m the one person who definitely isn’t going to hear it, but here goes.
I’d have Vaughan Williams too, the greatest British composer (even if you include Handel) but it would have to be the Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis. If I’m wrong and some part of my consciousness does continue after death, maybe I’ll finally get to understand this incredible piece of music.
And then something very different. I’d want a female voice, and I thought immediately of Sinead O’Connor—either Nothing Compares 2U or Troy, and I thought of Kate Bush and Running Up That Hill (well, I’ve walked up plenty in my time, and at least run down some of them)… but I think in the end I’m going with Florence and the Machine and Cosmic Love, which has been my ringtone for years.
And finally, there’s no artist whose music has meant more to me for longer than Bruce Springsteen, who also played the greatest concert I’ve ever been to. But which song? Born to Run? Thunder Road? Human Touch? All great possibilities, but in the end it would have to be Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) because Clarence Clemons’ sax playing on it is the most joyous thing I know in music, and I hope everyone would take away a bit of that.
That's the fun of making a list while you CAN appreciate the music, Jon!
Those are great picks. I love Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis, too. (And Sinead and Kate Bush, and Florence.) Food for thought.
I'm not super fond of Springsteen myself, though Born to Run does feature a Wendy!
True…
Thank you for this. That episode of Soul Music was a moving one - but for you, it must have been... well I can only try to imagine. My mum chose her own music - including again The Divine Comedy but this time Life On Earth. It includes the lines:
'Build your coffin of balsa wood
Spend all that you earn
When you go you are gone for good
Never to return'
She had quite a dark sense of humour, my brilliant mother. But her instruction to basically get on with living this one 'life on earth' resonated then and now.
Thank you, Jo. I found it fascinating to know more about The Lark Ascending through that programme: its origins, the musicians who’ve played it (what an achievement!), and how deeply it affects people.
So glad to know there’s more than one The Divine Comedy song to choose. Wonderful, and yes a bit dark! I hadn’t thought of that one!
As always Wendy, you write about things that people often don't want to think or talk about. When my sister passed away suddenly, we were obviously not ready to think about these things. She was a great Chelsea football fan and we wanted ' Blue is the colour' their club anthem many years ago. It didn't happen in the end, and I have always wished we had stuck to our guns and played it.
Thank you so much, Sharon.
Sorry you missed out on the music you really wanted for your sister. When it happens suddenly there’s so little time to think. But she would not have minded, I’m sure. What did you choose instead?
My husband died 14 years ago and he hadn’t even thought about what music he would want for his funeral so I was left to choose. I went through his iPod and came up with:
Entry: For You by Bruce Springsteen
Middle: Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons
Exit (when the coffin went into the fire): In Trutina (John’s favourite aria from Carmina Burana)
End: Hey That’s No Way To Say Goodbye by Leonard Cohen.
My list includes a couple of modern Christian songs and I want Take Me Home Country Roads as my exit from the church song, and “Going Home” by Mark Knopfler at the crematorium.
My Stepmother now has that difficult job as my Dad died yesterday 💔
Oh, I’m very sorry to read that your dad has died, Suze. My condolences.
Your choices for your late husband sound like he would have approved. I love some of those myself (particularly Leonard Cohen, Take Me Home Country Roads and Going Home).
Thank you Wendy. I am still in shock I think, and a bit of denial. It’s my stepmom I feel for - I know what she will be going through. The circumstances of John’s death and My Dad’s are so similar, it’s freaking me out.
My family asked me how I’d chosen the music for John’s funeral and I had to say I didn’t know, I just did it.
Thank you again for your good wishes ❤️
Lark ascending is such, such a beautiful choice.
Mine are probably all a bit on the nose, but; Who knows where the time goes by Fairport Convention, Bird on the wire by Leonard Cohen, Don't let the sun go down on your grievances by Daniel Johnston, and then maybe Linus and Lucy by the Vince Guaraldi trio. I hope people feel compelled to dance or shuffle their feet a little with the Vince Guaraldi one, so I'll have that playing as people leave.
At my dad's funeral we had mostly reggae and ska and I loved that some people were subtly skanking as they followed the coffin out.
Thanks, Sarah. What a great list! I don’t know the Vince Guaraldi. I’ll make myself a playlist of choices people are mentioning that I’m not familiar with. Wonderful that you had reggae and ska at your dad’s so you could dance your way out. I love that.
Thinking of you this week Wendy. I love the Divine Comedy - such a good choice.
Thanks, Margaret.
Yes, listening to The Divine Comedy again while writing this reminded me how good they are. (Well, Neil Hannon; it’s his band.) Hadn’t realised they’ve been going so long - since 1989.
In this order
Bob Newhart - Tobacco
Thomas Newman - Theme from American Beauty with video of plastic bag scene.
Ramones - What A Wonderful World
Thank you for reading and sharing your choices, HFTE. I’d forgotten about the Ramones version of What A Wonderful World. That’s great! I love the theme from American Beauty. Hadn’t heard the Bob Newhart. Interesting to have a spoken word choice, but why not?!
Great topic, Wendy, and so many fabulous choices by other readers. Vaughan Williams is definitely a wonderful option. As for other English composers, I'd also consider:
Handel: Mai Ombra fu (Xerzes)
Britten: Now the Great Bear and Pleiades, tenor solo from Peter Grimes
Finzi: Comes away death (from Let Us Garlands bring) or, Fear no more the heat o' the sun
Elgar: The opening (or close) of his Symphony No. 1.
I helped choose the music for both my parents' funerals. We chose Fields of Gold sung by Eva Cassidy for my father's. I still can't listen to it. Which is perhaps one of the dangers of choosing music you like for the funeral of a loved one.
In the end. I'd probably go for the Prelude to Parsifal for my own funeral. It's not only wonderful music, but also lasts long enough to prevent any long speeches being made about me :)
Thank you for reading and sharing your own thoughts on this, Jeffrey. I know some of these pieces but checking out the others. Prelude to Parsival is very moving, and yes, 12 minutes would cut down on the time for eulogies! The Handel piece is gorgeous. I'd forgotten all about that, but it is perfect.
Eva Cassidy's Fields of Gold is wonderful. We sing that song in choir, sometimes at weddings, sometimes at funerals, sometimes just because. Always emotional.
How serendipitous that I came across this as I've been doing some life planning, including writing down wishes for my own funeral. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't intend to leave anytime soon... I'm youngish (early 50's), but having lost a younger brother when he was 21, and two dads, I know that death comes when it will. One of the songs at my brother's funeral was "On Eagles Wings." Anyway, now you've got me thinking - thank you!
Thanks so much for reading and sharing your own thoughts. I’m sorry you’ve experienced those losses in your life. I wasn’t familiar with On Eagle’s Wings, but looking up just now, I can see why it was appropriate.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m so sorry about Otto too. Otto was my father’s name. A magnificent one!
We just had my grandma’s funeral where I gave her eulogy, so all decisions funeral are top of my mind. Funerals for us are usually in a church. The music is Ave Maria, Amazing Grace, How Great Thou Art.
Thanks so much Ingrid. Good to know Otto was your father's name!
I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. Thanks for sharing those lovely music choices. I know the first two, of course. You're the second person to mention How Great Thou Art, and that's new to me. I can see why it's fitting.
Thank you, Wendy. I love the way you use music in this to make such warm and loving connections between life and death. I’ve just clicked on your link to V Williams’s Lark Ascending. Heartachingly beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much, Emma.
Glad you enjoyed The Lark Ascending.
"I wish we could all be young at the same time." That's one I'll carry with me for a long time. Sorry, again, to hear about your mother-in-law, Wendy. Being the partner to someone losing their parent must be so hard in its own way. This is such a lovely reflection.
One of my Aussie uncles (a guitar teacher) had AC/DC at his funeral, which was pretty wonderful. The earlier, Bon Scott stuff.
I just asked Emma, and she said that, even though she's no longer religious, she'd probably pick "How Great Thou Art," just for the majesty of it. I told her I'd go for "Everything In It's Right Place," by Radiohead. So now that's settled, at least. Though Max Richter's "On The Nature of Daylight" is also hard to top: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_YHE4Sx-08. I listened to that over and over after my mom died.
Always love your writing, and how much I think of these posts in the days that follow.
Thank you, Rob. I’m so lucky that I’ve had such a good relationship with both of Ian’s parents – and still do with his dad – and that they’ve been such a support to us, our children and grandchildren. It was really special having our grandchildren with us at the funeral.
AC/DC is a fun choice. Fond memories of seeing them during the Bon Scott era at Sheffield City Hall when I was a teen.
Yours and Emma’s choices are very atmospheric. I’m just listening to On The Nature of Daylight, and looking up its history. Apparently written in response to the Iraq war in 2003. Luminosity out of darkness. I can see why you listened to it after your mum died.
Ah, I didn't know that—it enriches the song for me even further. Thank you for that.
I'm so envious that you saw Bon Scott era AC/DC—and at such a small venue!
They were amazing. Really powerful.
My husband has already decided he wants the alien opera music from the film The Fifth Element, and Leave A Light On by Santana at his funeral.
I have so many choral pieces I've sung, both at concerts and actual funerals, that it's difficult to choose. Last year, the RNLI released some free to download choral music for their anniversary, and one of those was a setting of Tennyson's poem Crossing the Bar, which I could never sing without welling up. So probably that, and Eric Whitacre's Sleep, and Fauré's In Paradisum.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Fiona. I’m just listening to the Santana and The Fifth Element alien opera, as I couldn’t remember either of those. Both really atmospheric.
I love the poem of Crossing the Bar; we read that at my dad’s funeral. I haven’t heard the musical setting, though – I’ll look that up next. Eric Whitacre’s Sleep is beautiful (aren’t Voces8 perfect!) and so is Fauré’s In Paradisum (we’ve sung it in choir). I can understand why you’d want those.