I have tears in my eyes reading about your own Milo arriving after pregnancy losses, Rob. That is special – thank you for telling me. And thanks for your really kind comments.
Thank you for your words Wendy. They are so moving and powerful. It’s such an important issue and it must be hard to share such a personal loss. I am so pleased Milo arrived safely. X
And Life, Milo, Life! For all of us. Life with all its loss and pain and its cleansing joy. Thank you for choosing to share this, Wendy. It's scary sometimes to write the truth. Sometimes it can help heal.
Thank you, Lyndsey. Yes, it was scary too post this, because so close to my heart. But it's true that talk of stillbirth or miscarriage is still often hidden, so I'm glad I plucked up courage, especially reading these wonderful comments.
I think we’ve moved dangerously away from being able to talk about these things to each other. We feel it’s too much to share and yet there are other people who need us to so they know they are not alone. It’s important. You did a hard thing and I know it will help someone feel seen and heard.
Exactly, Lyndsey. We all grieve at some time in our lives, and so hopefully there is a common thread, even if the specifics are different. And it can be really painful to keep grief hidden. I didn't talk much at all about Otto until I had bereavement counselling when Milo was three. Realised I was doing no-one any favours by bottling it up.
Thank you so much, Faith. Yep, Milo's 22. I checked with him this morning that he'd read it and he said it affected him deeply, but in a good way. We're very close. He's an amazing young man.
I wept on the train while reading this yesterday, sad tears and happy tears. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I was once the long distance best friend that a partner arranged as a surprise, there was lots of weeping (she nearly fainted too) then too. x
Thanks for letting me know how it moved you, Sarah. (I should keep a box of virtual tissues to hand!) And how brilliant that you were once the surprise best friend. What an amazing gift!
"I want to sing something that’s not yet been written to say thank you for Milo."
This might be the most beautiful set of words I've read in a long while, Wendy. Tears, smiles, smiley tears. Hats off to you, and thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you, Ofifoto. At tough times, acts of kindness from other people can make such a difference. I was really touched to hear from Ian's dad this morning (a very stoical man), who had read it and been moved by it. Of course, for him it was a reminder of the loss of a baby grandson. The ripples of grief spread a long way.
Thank you, AB - I hoped sharing it would be helpful in some way. Writing it down can be cathartic. You know where I am if you want to msg. Sending love.
Thank you Wendy. I am going to try to write about it and I am going to use your essay as a template. Put something wonderful and light within the darkness. I just have to find something uplifting from that time period to add to the story. Like you, I already had three children - just not all at once for goodness sakes - but it isn't about them, it was about me and the children I never got to know, so I like the idea of inserting the telling within a more upbeat and fun story. Thanks again for reaching out Wendy!
That's good to know that you are thinking of writing about your own experience, AB. I thought/think of Otto as my "shadow child", the one I didn't get to know. And though the miscarriage the previous year was quite early, there was still a sense of another "sliding doors" moment, a shift in what the future would be.
I don't think there's any right or wrong way to write about it. Just see what comes. x
Lovely piece. Welcome to Milo after such unforgettable sorrow. More than 40 years ago, after three trouble free babies, I lost three in a row. Then Imogen was born, 39 in 2 weeks time. I still miss those 3 deaths, but without them I wouldn’t have Imogen Taylor, a renowned New Zealand artist.
Thank you so much, Deborah. Sorry you also went through those painful losses. It is a complicated thing to accept how things had to be then in order for them to be as they are now. Sorrow, hope and joy are all closely related.
I just looked up Imogen’s art and it’s gloriously colourful. I hadn’t seen it before. Thank you for pointing me to it.
Wendy, this is the most gorgeous piece. I love everyone not believing their eyes, and this dear friend showing up for you in such a week.
We too have a Milo, who arrived after multiple pregnancy losses. He's 13 now, so a decade younger than your Milo. Life, Milo, life, indeed!
What a joy it is to read your writing, and the deep heartedness in both your 2024 and your 2020-1 reflections. It's such a gift.
I have tears in my eyes reading about your own Milo arriving after pregnancy losses, Rob. That is special – thank you for telling me. And thanks for your really kind comments.
What a wonderful piece, Wendy. So much joy and sorrow. My eyes are having their own little flood. Hooray for Vicky and Milo.
Thank you so much, Ros. x
Thank you for your words Wendy. They are so moving and powerful. It’s such an important issue and it must be hard to share such a personal loss. I am so pleased Milo arrived safely. X
Thanks so much, Margaret. Really kind comment. And yes, thank goodness for Milo – a total joy in our lives. Amazing young man.
And Life, Milo, Life! For all of us. Life with all its loss and pain and its cleansing joy. Thank you for choosing to share this, Wendy. It's scary sometimes to write the truth. Sometimes it can help heal.
Thank you, Lyndsey. Yes, it was scary too post this, because so close to my heart. But it's true that talk of stillbirth or miscarriage is still often hidden, so I'm glad I plucked up courage, especially reading these wonderful comments.
I think we’ve moved dangerously away from being able to talk about these things to each other. We feel it’s too much to share and yet there are other people who need us to so they know they are not alone. It’s important. You did a hard thing and I know it will help someone feel seen and heard.
Exactly, Lyndsey. We all grieve at some time in our lives, and so hopefully there is a common thread, even if the specifics are different. And it can be really painful to keep grief hidden. I didn't talk much at all about Otto until I had bereavement counselling when Milo was three. Realised I was doing no-one any favours by bottling it up.
Feelings❤️
Aw, thank you.
Sorry for your pain and loss . And such writing xx
Thank you for your kind comment, Lib. x
This is such a lovely read, a wonderful mix of high and low. And Milo at the end, just beautiful. He must be mid 20s now?!
Thank you so much, Faith. Yep, Milo's 22. I checked with him this morning that he'd read it and he said it affected him deeply, but in a good way. We're very close. He's an amazing young man.
That's so lovely to hear
This is such a testament to love. Thank you, Wendy, for writing and sharing.
Thank you, Leah ❤️
I loved that! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, OB!
I wept on the train while reading this yesterday, sad tears and happy tears. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I was once the long distance best friend that a partner arranged as a surprise, there was lots of weeping (she nearly fainted too) then too. x
Thanks for letting me know how it moved you, Sarah. (I should keep a box of virtual tissues to hand!) And how brilliant that you were once the surprise best friend. What an amazing gift!
"I want to sing something that’s not yet been written to say thank you for Milo."
This might be the most beautiful set of words I've read in a long while, Wendy. Tears, smiles, smiley tears. Hats off to you, and thank you so much for sharing.
Wow, thank you for this kind comment, Sarah. Making me well up again now. Really touched.
such joy and sorrow here. Thank you for sharing it. x
Thank you, Katy. x
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, Wendy. How wonderful that you are blessed with such loving family and friends.
Thank you, Ofifoto. At tough times, acts of kindness from other people can make such a difference. I was really touched to hear from Ian's dad this morning (a very stoical man), who had read it and been moved by it. Of course, for him it was a reminder of the loss of a baby grandson. The ripples of grief spread a long way.
I can't write about it, probably never will, but felt every part of this Wendy.
Some powerful writing there Missy.
Thank you, AB - I hoped sharing it would be helpful in some way. Writing it down can be cathartic. You know where I am if you want to msg. Sending love.
Thank you Wendy. I am going to try to write about it and I am going to use your essay as a template. Put something wonderful and light within the darkness. I just have to find something uplifting from that time period to add to the story. Like you, I already had three children - just not all at once for goodness sakes - but it isn't about them, it was about me and the children I never got to know, so I like the idea of inserting the telling within a more upbeat and fun story. Thanks again for reaching out Wendy!
That's good to know that you are thinking of writing about your own experience, AB. I thought/think of Otto as my "shadow child", the one I didn't get to know. And though the miscarriage the previous year was quite early, there was still a sense of another "sliding doors" moment, a shift in what the future would be.
I don't think there's any right or wrong way to write about it. Just see what comes. x
What beautiful writing Wendy xxx
Thanks, Fi. I remember a trip to see you around that time! x
Lovely piece. Welcome to Milo after such unforgettable sorrow. More than 40 years ago, after three trouble free babies, I lost three in a row. Then Imogen was born, 39 in 2 weeks time. I still miss those 3 deaths, but without them I wouldn’t have Imogen Taylor, a renowned New Zealand artist.
Thank you so much, Deborah. Sorry you also went through those painful losses. It is a complicated thing to accept how things had to be then in order for them to be as they are now. Sorrow, hope and joy are all closely related.
I just looked up Imogen’s art and it’s gloriously colourful. I hadn’t seen it before. Thank you for pointing me to it.